Winning thoughts from a lost mind

This one goes out to all the guys who have ever been friendzoned, or at least think that they were. But, let’s get this straight right now: this is not an article about the friendzone. This is an article about the many hoax sightings of the friendzone.To clarify, just because you are nice to a girl does NOT mean that you are entitled to date her, sleep with her, or do anything else that your twisted mind may have come up with.

There are far too many guys out there that complain about how gals have friendzoned them and how the girls they like keep on dating douchebags. These (supposed) men continually moan and groan about how they’re nice guys and it’s totally unfair that these girls don’t like them. They bitch about how they treat these girls well and yet they don’t get anything in return. The idea that a woman can like someone other than them baffles these twits. They operate under the premise that how kind you are to a girl is directly proportional to how much she will give you, whether you’re looking for a relationship, or just a one-night stand. 

Now, I would never claim to be a genuinely nice guy, but I am honest, often to a fault. And as an honest to God asshole, I have a bone to pick with you alleged “nice guys”. You’re not a good guy if you’re only treating a girl well to get something from her. That doesn’t make you nice; it makes you a user. Strike one. 

Additionally, not only are you attempting to use these gals (and failing miserably, thus the whining), but you’re lying about it! If you’re going to have the gall to try to buy or win some girl’s affections, at least be up front about it. Women are smart, but they’re not mind-readers (unless you’ve done something wrong, in which case their “guesses” are always scarily accurate). If you like a girl and continually treat her well, but don’t show any signs of being interested, she’s not going to magically know that you like her. It’s no wonder she’s not dating you, you never even asked her out! You complain about women having bad taste, but in reality you’re just a coward who didn’t have the balls to make a move and can’t come to terms with the truth. Strike two.

And finally, if and when you inevitably fail at landing these women, you bitch and moan about it. You attempt to use a girl, effectively lie to her, and possibly yourself, and then complain because she didn’t like the spineless pushover that you presented yourself as. You complain about the guy she chose “over” you, which is bullshit because you never even presented yourself as an option. You blame her for a decision made yourself when you decided not to come out and tell her how you felt. Strike three, you’re out.

Now, I’m sure that many of you dudes out there are getting pretty defensive and probably accusing me of being some traitor to Bro-kind, but that’s far from the truth. I’m revealing these ugly truths to y’all so that you can see the error of your ways and mend them. That’s right, there’s no need to worry just yet; there’s still hope! There’s still time for you to clean up your act and have a shot at landing a quality gal. The first thing you need to do, to be blunt, is man up. If you can do this, you’re ninety percent of the way there.

“Manning up” calls for a general attitude overhaul. If you swing and miss with a gal, don’t complain about it. Learn from your mistakes, go out, and hit on someone else. If you like a girl, just tell her. And if you really can’t bring yourself to do that, at least flirt with her so she has some idea of your feelings. If you meet a pretty lady whom you’d like to date, don’t shoot yourself in the foot by trying to be her friend. Sure, it’ll get her to like you, but not in the way you want. Be a straight shooter right out of the gate and make it clear that you want to be more than just her friend. 

And the most important thing to remember: be yourself. I’m not saying you should “love who you are” or any crap like that; I’m simply saying that you should stick to what you know and what you’re comfortable with. Girls have the uncanny ability to pick up when we’re putting on airs, and the minute they realize that you’re not the real deal, everything starts going downhill. So stick to your strengths, and just be you.

From my own experiences, I can tell you that it’s not always about substance. Sometimes girls just want to see a confident guy. For the most part it doesn’t matter what you’re into (as long as it’s not some freaky shit). If you’re confident in what you’re saying, and you seem cool and collected, the ladies will respect that. There’s something to be said for being a little shameless when it comes to women. Put yourself out there and do your thing. Worst case scenario you get shut down, at which point you then proceed to hit on her slightly less attractive friend.

Anyone who knows me know that girls are generally the first and foremost topic on my mind. And I’m sure I’m not alone in that. Although women might not necessarily be the most important thing for us to constantly be thinking about, they’re sure as hell a whole lot more interesting than the alternatives, like politics or class, and they’re sexier to boot.

Now, rather than write the usual article for guys detailing basic shit about girls that they should know but don’t, I’m going to drop a not-so-basic piece for girls about guys, detailing shit that they either don’t know, or know and choose to ignore. The optimist in me wants to believe that it’s the first one, but you never know.

This piece is a follow-up of sorts to my last one, which I’d like to assume that you read, but I know there’s about a 0 chance of that, so I’ll break it down for y’all again. I ranted about how I was forced to say “yes” to going to a formal with a girl, due to the ridiculous social standards of women today. I told a girl that I did not want to go to this event with her, but when my female friends found out, they called me a jackass and made me text her back and ask her to her own social (after I had just turned her down). Normally I wouldn’t ever give in to their incessant nagging, but I had to keep them happy in this specific instance due to the circumstances.

Now, the gal who I was enlisted to take is nice enough, but it was the principle of the thing that really rustled my Jimmies. I thought that by treating this girl as I would want to be treated if the roles were reversed, I was doing the right thing. But it turns out that in girls’ minds, due to some twisted logic, it’s better to get that pity date than to just get shut down, even if that date is all that they’re going to get out of it. Why would anyone want to spend time with someone who doesn’t want to hang out with them?Now clearly I can’t change what women want, and I won’t attempt to. But what I can do is explain to them that men don’t function on the same level of crazy as they do.

We guys are pretty simple. When we ask a girl out, it’s because we either want to get with her, or date her (and get with her on a continuing basis). But we only want the gal to go out with us if she’s legitimately interested. We don’t want a pity date with a girl, no matter how pretty she is, if we know for certain that she’s not going to really consider us. It’s a waste of our time and money to take you out if you don’t even like us. You’re not doing us any favors by suffering through a seventy dollar meal that you don’t want. It’d be a different story if you guys paid for the pity dates, but that’s never what happens

What you are doing, is setting us up for failure. In your alleged effort to be nice, you give us false hope and then screw us over. So here’s a novel concept: be honest with us.  If you’re not interested, come out and say so. Don’t give us any BS excuses or lie to us. Just a simple “sorry, but no” will suffice. You don’t wanna go out with us? That’s cool, we have no problem on moving right on to your friends. And honestly, any guy that can’t deal with being told “no” once in a while probably isn’t worth wasting your time with anyways.

In short, what I’m trying to say here, is do yourselves and us a favor, and just level with us. Contrary to whatever y’all might think, we can deal with rejection. We can deal with the word “no”. What we don’t take kindly to is your giving us false hope, and more importantly, letting us waste our money. That’s just not cool. So remember, help everyone out and just say so when you’re not interested.

NOTE: If you really do feel that bad about saying “no”, and you’re looking for a way to make it up to the poor guy, condolence blow-jobs are always acceptable.

I’m going to start this little note off by coming out and saying that I generally don’t acknowledge anonymous inbox messages anymore. The reasoning behind this little decision is that the last gal who conversed with me through this lovely medium ended up being a friend of a crazy chick I had hooked up with once (and only once - the craziness quickly became evident), who didn’t reveal her identity to me until I  figured out who it was and confronter her. And while my regrettable hook-up kept repeatedly calling/texting/messaging/cyber-stalking me, her “friend” was trying to put the moves on me via my Tumblr inbox. Yeah, they’re both regular catches.

It was freaky enough when I thought these two happenings were separate events, but when I found out Ms. Anonymous’s identity, I freaked. That whole “birds of a feather” thing is pretty accurate. Crazy gals usually have crazy friends, and this was certainly the case here. Needless to say, I’m more than a little hesitant to resume my habit of having full-on conversations with faceless strangers. But your messages were so darned adorable, that damn it all if I don’t find my resolve weakening.

Between your two messages, you did three things right:

1. You mentioned Hoodie. I’m a die-hard fan and I assume that I’ll like anyone else who’s part of the HoodieMob. 
2. You gave off the impression that you’re a gal. I like boobies, and in my experiences, chicks generally tend to have the nicest racks.
3. You complimented me. This was the real clincher. I have a massive ego, and you called me amazing and cute. I couldn’t not respond and risk losing more potential ego stroking.

Now, all of that being said, I’m still loathe to impart my personal information so freely on the web. I just can’t do it - at least not until I’ve got several cold ones in me. Unfortunately for you though, I’m dead sober at the moment. But I’ll make you a deal! If you inbox me with some sort of contact information, be it an e-mail address, phone number, or what have you, I’ll get in touch with you and we can discuss all the things you love about me (I told you, I need to feed my ego). Sound good? Super. Can’t wait to hear from you.

Oh, and to answer your question: we can talk marriage after we establish whether you’re bat-shit insane or not. No offense, I’ve just learned from past experience not to take sanity for granted.

So here’s my issue: apparently, when someone asks you to prom, it’s actually just a formality. In reality, what they’re actually doing is telling you that you will be going to prom with them. Because when someone asks if you’ll go to prom with them, you’re not allowed to say no! Unless you have a damn good reason, you are expected to say that you will happily accompany them, regardless of whether you want to or not.

I recently found this out the hard way. One of my female acquaintances texted me asking if I would take her to prom. I politely declined, citing my academic standing as the reason (which is actually pretty honest seeing as at the moment I’m failing a class). She was completely cool with it. She texted me back saying that she understood and even wished me good luck with my classes. I in turn wished her luck in finding a date, and that was that. Or so I thought.

The girl I took to my prom is a friend of the gal that I’d turned down, and it just so happened that I turned her friend down the day of my prom. So of course the first thing that comes up when she sees me is how I told her friend I couldn’t go to prom with her, and how I used a shitty excuse. Admittedly, using my academic standing as an excuse to get out of taking her probably wasn’t the brightest of ideas, but it’s a lot nicer than straight up saying “I don’t want to take you to prom”.

At the time, I thought it was a solid response because it would spare her feelings. But it turned out that it wasn’t a question of sparing her feelings; I wasn’t supposed to say “no” at all, regardless of how nice I was about it. I was told off by my date and my friend’s date because I was being a “jerk”. They kept on saying things like “it’s just prom, not marriage” and told me that I was reading too much into it.

Now see, here’s my issue: I knew she was asking me as a friend, nothing more, but I still didn’t want to go. But according to these two girls, I had no choice in the matter. Apparently the fact that she’d asked meant that I automatically had to go with her, regardless of whether I actually wanted to or not.

This made absolutely no sense to me. I thought that this was a perfect time to use the Golden Rule (treat others as you would have them treat you). I wouldn’t want a girl to go to prom with me if she didn’t actually want to go. She wouldn’t doing me any favors by suffering through my prom in silence, and that was the same logic I applied to her asking me. I didn’t really want to go, and I didn’t think I’d be helping anyone by lying and saying I’d love to go.

Apparently I was wrong.

They made me text her back, apologize for being a dick, and ask her to her own prom, which I had JUST told her I couldn’t go to. And the kicker is that she said she’d still love to take me! The only positive here is that she admitted that I’d be her back-up and that her first choice is a guy she’s liked for a while. I can only hope that he agrees to take her…

They say a gentleman never kisses and tells. Thankfully for y’all, I’m the farthest thing from a gentleman.

It was my senior prom, and I was looking to have a good time. My table was comprised of all my closest friends, and seeing as I was the one in charge of setting everything up, I made sure that the faculty were all seated as far as possible from me so that I could get away with whatever. Unfortunately for me, there was nothing to actually get away with, seeing as my date viewed me as nothing more than a friend. That’s a real shame, because she’s at least an 8. But that’s besides the point. She wasn’t interested in me, and I didn’t see the point in wasting my time on a gal I had no shot with, so instead I tasked myself with finding a girl who would be down to get down.

And so I scouted the room for prospects, praying that I might find just one, single, hoe with whom I could have fun. As luck would have it, one of the juniors had brought a decently attractive date, and they were dancing with a couple of other juniors. Now you may be wondering why this qualifies as lucky, seeing as she had a date, and was surrounded by a bunch of other guys. But never fear, I will explain: the guy she was with is a well known pot head; he had already smoked up twice that night, and was gearing up to go at another joint, and though his date didn’t particularly care, he wasn’t exactly being the best prom date ever. As he stepped outside for his third doobie of the night, two things were running through my head. The first thing was “how is this kid not catatonic yet?” and the second was “time to make a move”.

I approached his date, doing that kind of odd dance shuffle you have to do when trying to get somewhere on a dance floor, until I was about 10 feet away, at which point I busted out a few moves. Nothing too obnoxious or wild, but good enough to merit her keeping an eye on me. I waited until the next song came on and shuffled my way over to her group. Now, I didn’t want to steal this kid’s date without giving him a fighting chance, so I waited until he came back inside before I really started putting the moves on this girl. I just did my thing while intermittently giving her the look (and receiving one in return), until a slow jam came on. I asked her to dance, and led her to the middle of the floor while Marley Jr. just stood there, not really sure of what exactly was happening.

Now, when it comes to girls, my strength has always been my ability to smooth talk them. I’m decent enough looking I guess, but I’m told that it’s my ability to talk confidently to a girl that really helps me out. We’re slow dancing and chatting, and I’m laying down one line after another, and for reasons I will never understand, she’s eating them right up. And then, I REALLY strike gold. I was being an overconfident smartass and told her that I’d be making well over a million dollars by the time I’m thirty. She just laughed, but figured it’d be fun to ask where I saw her in a few years, so I took a shot in the dark and said “as a high end fashion designer”.

She just stopped dancing and stood there with this look on her face, then said, “That’s completely right! How did you know?!” The minute she said that I knew I had it locked up. I went in for the kiss, and she kissed right back (enthusiastically too). All of this was with her date standing less than 3 feet from us. I don’t know if he hadn’t realized what was going on yet, or thought that she’d then go back to chilling with him, but it wasn’t until I took her outside that he started to get irritated.

He followed us outside, still not saying anything, but very clearly trying to be a cock-block. Unfortunately for him though, neither one of us had a problem with PDA. I plopped down into a chair, next to my friend who had his girlfriend on his lap, and my date sat on mine. I then proceeded to mack with my gal while my bro did the exact same with his, all with the now dateless stoner watching. I guess that was the last straw, because he finally spoke up, letting loose the quote of the night, “Dude… not even cool”.

At that point I might have felt bad for him if I wasn’t so busy laughing. I just lost it. I could barely breathe I was laughing so hard; and I wasn’t the only one. Turns out that there were actually quite a few of my buds outside when he dropped that gem, and they were all laughing too, some even harder than me!

The next moment of note was when I offered the dateless wonder twenty bucks to leave me and my new date alone, and then my friend offered to start up a collection to help increase his incentive to leave. Once he realized that he had absolutely no shot with his date and that she actually wanted him to leave her alone it still took him another fifteen minutes to shove off. I can only think of one other factor that might have aided in hastening his departure. My gay buddy had seen me and my bros getting frisky with our girls, and decided that he didn’t want to be left out. He literally found some chick and started making out with her just so he could fuck around like the rest of us and make Mr. No-Date look even dumber. Dude doesn’t even like girls and he’s goin’ buckwild just to make this kid feel even worse about himself; that’s dedication! I always knew there was a reason I’m friends with him… 

Sadly, this story does not end with my getting laid. But before you write me off, the only reason I didn’t go for gold is that I don’t know the laws about sex concerning minors for my state, and for some odd reason I just didn’t feel like possibly going to jail and getting expelled if I got caught by my teachers. I know, silly me, what was I thinking. Shoulda just f*cked her, jail sentences and expulsion be damned. 

Girls like to play mind games, but most of us poor men aren’t designed to play along. Unfortunately, girls don’t care, and continue to play anyways, even though they’ve already won by default. And just to add insult to injury, they don’t have the decency to notify you that the game has started. Think about it; even the dude from Saw had the good manners to come out and say, “I want to play a game”. I mean really, is that really so hard? For those of you that didn’t follow what just transpired, we pretty much established that women have fewer manners than a psychopathic killer. And on that note, in no particular order, here are the Top 10 Signs She’s No Longer Interested:

1. All communication is initiated by you. This is easily one of the most obvious indicators that something is up. If you miss this sign, then you’re in straight denial. It’s common sense: Girls like to talk. And talk. And talk. Oftentimes they just yammer on to the point where we start to block them out - and those aren’t even the girls we’re dating. When you’re going with a gal, chances are that almost every time you two talk, it’s initiated by her, and she’s the one doing most of the communicating. For the most part, nothing can get a girl to shut up if she feels like talking. I mean even when they’re mad and don’t want to talk to you, they repeatedly tell you that they don’t want to talk to you (Aha! A clue, Sherlock!). But anyways, long story short: when she stops trying to talk to you, hide all the life jackets, because this b*tch is gearing up to jump ship. 

2. She’s not jealous anymore. Remember all those “hoes” and “skanks” she used to accuse you of sleeping with? Or how every time you hung out with your best female friend she’d throw a fit, claiming that if you really loved her you wouldn’t hang out with other girls all the time? Well believe it or not, that was good. Jealousy meant she cared. If she starts letting you hangout with whomever you want, without any sort of protest or snide comments, well you’d best believe you’ve got problems.

3. She replies with one-word texts. This should speak for itself. We’ve already gone over just how much gals like to talk and communicate. When she can’t even bother to respond to your texts with a full sentence, chances are that she just doesn’t give a damn anymore. This doesn’t necessarily apply if she was a sh*t texter from the get-go, although if she is a generally bad texter, you should be wondering why that is, as it might be indicative of a bigger issue. I say this because in general, ladies are much better at texting than us guys. So when a babe just happens to suck at thumb-talk, it’s not because she hasn’t had enough practice, it’s because she consciously decides to send shitty answers - and that’s cause for concern. Moral of the story: if she’s giving you one-word replies, 9/10 times you have something to be worried about.

4. She flirts with other guys in front of you. Now this can mean one of two different things. The first possibility is that she’s attempting to gain your attention by making you jealous. If this is the case, you’re good to go, apart from the fact that you’re dating a manipulative b*tch. If you’re cool with that, then good for you. However, the sad alternative is that if she’s not trying to make you jealous, then she is literally flirting with those guys with every intention of getting laid. And it’s all happening right under your nose. Super.

5. She signs off Facebook chat within moments of your talking to her. Don’t kid yourself man, at this point you know she’s avoiding you. It doesn’t matter what she says. If she logs off every time you attempt to talk to her, regardless of how long she’s been online, then she’s avoiding you like your parents avoided the sex talk back in the day. But on the bright side, at least she’s being considerate in her attempts not to talk to you. I knew one gal that told me she had to go do some work, but couldn’t even be bothered to log out. She even continued commenting on one of our mutual friend’s threads, which I was also a part of. Needless to say, she and I aren’t very close anymore.

6. She’s banging other dudes in front of you. Similar to number 4, but with a certain twist (and pull, and tug). I shouldn’t have to put this on here, but it’s worrying how some dudes can’t take a hint.

7. She makes no effort to look good in front of you. Despite what they might say, girls are vain. They want you to tell them how pretty they are. They might not “need” it, but they sure as hell want the praise. And when she stops desiring your approval and compliments, you’re either married, or she’s no longer interested (they’re roughly the same thing; the only difference is that if you’re breaking up at least you have the prospect of break-up sex - if you’re married, you’re just SOL).

8. She doesn’t get mad at you for shit she used to. I know, in your head it sounds wonderful - finally being able to get away with scratching your balls and then taking a handful of popcorn from the shared bowl with that same hand without being screeched at. But believe you me, that’s a bad sign. If she stops yelling, that means that either she’s stopped caring, or she’s just bottling it all up until she really explodes. Either way, you should be worried and shopping around for an apology/please-don’t-break-up-with-me gift.

9. Her friends have all stopped talking her up in front of you. This one is subtle, and not always noticeable, but if you pay enough attention and actually listen to her friends when they speak instead of blocking them out as white noise (novel concept, I know), you’ll start to see that right around the same time she starts to drift away, her friends will stop making her look so awesome. Instead of saying how pretty she is and how funny her jokes are like they used to, they’ll now proceed to start pointing out her flaws when she’s not around (often at her request) to make her seem less attractive to you.  It’s their way of starting to let you down gently. And though it sucks, there are some friends of hers who will really go the extra mile and hook up with you so you forget about her, which opens up a whole other can of worms that I won’t deal with. But it’s a fun can of worms indeed.

*And on a side-note, even though she may have asked her friends to do the whole she’s-not-perfect thing, I guarantee that at least half, if not all of the stuff that they’re saying about her is sh*t that they’ve wanted to say for a while. In a way they’re actually sh*tting on her and it’s almost like they’re on your side.

10. She files a restraining order. Yeah, some guys need to be told that’s it’s over in a court of law, that’s how bad they are at reading the signs. And that’s saying something, when the signs leading up to this c*ck-blocking piece of paper usually include breaking up, moving out, and her repeatedly telling you to “stop following me”. 

Of course, no article of mine is complete without a piece of unsolicited advice, and I’d hate to disappoint, so here it is: GUYS, READ THE SIGNS. I know that it sucks having to decipher her actions and behavior, but trust me, it’s the only way you’re gonna have a heads up so you can dump her ass before she dumps yours. It’s a dog-dump-dog world, and you don’t wanna be blind-sided, so get your sh*t together, read the signs, and know your situation. 

Hey guys, what’s good? I’m from _________________, and I’m souped to be going to SMU next year. I’m a Hunt and BBA Scholar, and I plan to study marketing/finance with a double major in political science. In terms of extra-curriculars, I definitely plan on going Greek, but I don’t have a clue where I’m gonna rush. I’m wicked outgoing so feel free to add/message me, especially if you’re a pretty gal or potential roommate.

Actually, that reminds me: I still don’t have a roommate, but I am now taking applications. If you are interested in rooming with me, send me a friend request, and I’ll tell you where to send your application fee.

The application itself is fairly simple - “Outline (in less than three pages) why you think that you would be a good potential roommate and what you would bring to the room, beyond your physical belongings. 

Although you will not be penalized for going over the three page limit, I will probably refuse to read the extra writing, so I suggest you present your best reasons in the first three pages.

Feel free to message me with questions and the like.

*Actually, I changed my mind; three pages is the absolute limit. Any more than three pages and you are automatically ignored as a candidate.

College. The word that has the ability to instill fear into the hearts of students and parents alike. The topic that almost always manages to incite arguments that will carry on for months, with little to no logic being used on either side.

Now I don’t know about you guys, but my college application/decision process was a never-ending battle between my parents and I. They had a long list of schools with strong academics that they thought would be suitable for me, and I had a long list of schools with hot girls that I thought would be perfect for me. They’d ask me about my major, I’d tell them that I could decide that later. They’d ask me what student organizations I wanted to join, and I’d just talk about the frats I was interested in rushing. 

It was as if we were all talking to ourselves. We were definitely not conversing with each other. To be fair, we didn’t really disagree on anything because to do that, we’d have to be talking about the same things. Our paths of conversation rarely crossed. I was focusing on what college would be the best fit for me as a person, and they were doing their best to determine which program would seed me well for law or business school. I didn’t even have a major, and they were planning for grad school! They’re sitting there asking me whether I want to get a J.D. or MBA, and I can’t even tell them if I want to study business or political science for my undergrad. Needless to say, it was a shit show of epic proportions, and that’s where the arguments stemmed from. Not from my answers, but my lack thereof. 

Fortunately, my situation is all worked out now. I’ve been accepted to solid colleges, and my parents and I have come to an agreement on where I will attend (SMU or WashU), but that’s a complete 180 from our behavior just a few months ago. To put it in perspective, there were several times throughout the process when I thought they might very well put me up for adoption - and I’m dead serious when I say that. I still look back sometimes and marvel at how we made it through without any counts of homicide on their parts. But we’re in a good place now, and it’s okay to chuckle at the hell we went through.

But to those of you who don’t feel like going through 6 months of hell, I offer this advice: anticipate what questions your parents will ask, and have those answers ready. You don’t have to actually be interested whatever field you tell them you want to major in, because they don’t really care! All they want to hear, is that you have some sort of plan for your future, some vague idea of what you’d like to do with your life. You’re not coming with answers for yourself, you’re doing it for your parents so they can sleep well at night, without having nightmares about their kid being undeclared and not getting into college because of it.

I just reread all the crap I already wrote, and in an encore of last night, I’ve lost the plot. I have absolutely no clue what this post started off as, or what the point was, but I’ve decided to leave you with more advice (I’m just full of gems lately): like I said, anticipate your parents questions - have answers ready for them so that they’ll get off your back. Because once they leave you alone, then you can start to think about what you actually want to study and where you want to go.

Believe me, it’s a lot easier to tell your parents that you want to major in a certain area and then change your mind, then tell them you don’t know and then suddenly explain to them why you know that being a hair simulation supervisor is your calling in life. It’s much simpler to make it appear as though you changed your mind than to attempt to convince your parents that you miraculously figured out what you want to study, when yesterday the only thing you were certain about was that yoga pants are God’s gift to men (they really are though).

I guess what I’m trying to say is know what you want, or at least pretend to know. You’ll be doing you and your parents a service.

Any questions?

Image. Almost all of us worry about it. We worry about how we look, what others think of us, what we think of ourselves, whether others see us as we see ourselves, etc. We wonder whether we stand out too much or blend too perfectly. We want to maintain that perfect balance of uniqueness and individuality that makes us who we are, but we want to have a level of conformity and pack mentality that makes it possible for us to relate to others; we want to be leaders and followers at the same time.

In essence, we have tasked ourselves with the impossible: standing out through conformity. We do this in a myriad of ways; from the way we dress ourselves, to the things we say, to who we hang out with, we’re trying to establish a certain vision of who we are. We want to be perceived a certain way, and we live our lives accordingly. Now, I’m sure some of you are saying to yourselves, “That’s bullsh*t! I do what I want, when I want!”

If this is really true in your case, well goodie for you. You’re a beacon of individuality in a sea of followers. But guess what: all of us followers are judging you. Yes, that’s right. If you truly want to be accepted by others, then you must live your life in accordance with what they deem acceptable. Think about it. You’ll never hear people discussing that guy that drinks piss say, “I totally get why he drinks his urine. It’s cheap, sterile, and you get more nutrients the second time around”. It just won’t happen! It doesn’t matter how logical or normal something may seem to you. If society frowns upon it, it’s a bad idea. Ergo, as long as people know that you drink your own piss, they will think you’re crazy.

The real trick here is to push people’s boundaries and twist their perceptions. Rather than trying to introduce a wholly new idea, put a spin on one that is already in circulation. For example, take the retro movement. People throw on clothes that were in fashion twenty years ago, and all of a sudden, they’re fashionable again. They didn’t come up with anything new. All they did was wait until the fad died, then reintroduce it. The genius there is that literally all they did was recycle a fashion that already came and went. People know that they like, and for the most part, that doesn’t really change. If I liked something twenty years ago, chances are that the minute you show it to me, I’ll fall in love with it all over again.

And then there are those people that live on the outskirts of convention. Just within the norms, but far enough out there that their ideas and thoughts are viewed as visionary, but not insane. Those are the people that truly walk the incredibly fine line between following and leading (“suggesting” some might call it). These are the people that take an idea that’s already out there, and merely spin it in their own way. Rather than reintroduction, they use reinvention as their mode of innovation.

Ties serve as a prime example. That probably seems extremely odd, but hear me out. Ties come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. But as long as they are knotted and tightened on the collar of a shirt, they are undoubtedly ties. Hell, you could take a piece of rope, and if you tied it like a tie and wore it around your neck, people would know exactly what it was supposed to be. Ties are a perfect example of how something very standard can be taken and switched up. Skinny ties versus fat ties, bow ties versus neck ties, patterns versus solids. There are infinite possibilities. But they’re all grounded and “normal” because they’re just alterations of a tie.

Now, I forget what I started out writing this piece as, but I know what I’m going to finish it with: a life lesson; a moral, if you will. And that moral is this: DON’T TRY TO SWITCH SHIT UP. Sure there are people out there that had an idea and ran with it, making them some insane trendsetter. But for every person that makes it, there are hundreds thousands millions who don’t. It’s fine to dream about how awesome it would be if everyone loved your new style, but that’s all it should be: a dream. If you value what little self-confidence you have, then keep your head down and go with the flow. 

Unless your name is Regina George, Kanye West, or Justin Timberlake, people aren’t just waiting to see what you wear. No one gives a damn about your “style” beyond whether you look presentable and normal. Sure, you can go ahead and give your outfits a little flair of your own. No problem. But I tell you this: if you can’t find someone in some magazine somewhere with an outfit that’s at least similar to yours, you might just be pushing it a bit too much. 

In summary, all I have to say is stick to the tried and true. Do you, but within reason. And for the love of God, PLEASE don’t ever wear plaid and stripes unless you’re golfing (in which case the louder, the better).

If you didn’t see my first post talking about rap and D-WHY, you can read it here: http://www.brobible.com/brommunity/story/halt-stop-pause.

If you’ve already read it, then just read the stuff below this. If you haven’t read the first post, but you’re reading this one anyways, well good. F*ck the system. Just kidding, f*ck you for not reading my first post. Seriously, just go read it, it’ll only take 3 minutes.

Ok, you read it? Good. Here’s the next one; “part two” as some would call it.

Another rising star to keep an eye on is Dylan Owen. He recently dropped his EP “Keep Your Friends Close” (download here: http://www.mediafire.com/?2y1efxkc3sl7e3v.), and it has been excellently received, which comes as no suprise to anyone who has heard his music. Owen has a particularly distinct sound with an almost spoken-word flow, and carefully timed lines, supported by deeply poetic lyrics. He was the winner of Jon Kilmer’s “Sheeps, Jeeps, and Beats” contest back in November with his single, “All I Do”, winning him a free video from Kilmer (it has yet to be released). Owen shows great promise. He has maintained a steady level of unmatched metaphors and imagery in his craft, and if his past works are anything to judge by, the sky is the limit for him. So remember to Keep Your Friends Close, and check him out at http://www.facebook.com/dylanowenmusic.